Since I was so open about my pregnancy on Instagram, I figured it would only be to fair to share my birth story. I am by no means sharing this to scare anyone or discourage anyone from wanting to go natural. Every woman is so different, and every experience is SO different. Please, if you haven’t given birth yet remember that!! My labor and delivery was HARD AF, but once Everly arrived safe and sound the hell I went through didn’t even matter.
I did anything and everything you could possibly do to prepare for a natural birth. I choose midwives as my health care provider, I hired a doula, I practiced hypnobirthing, I took hypnobirthing classes, I did acupuncture, I worked out (almost) everyday, I ate 6 dates and drank 4 cups of raspberry leaf tea daily. You see, giving birth never scared me. I grew up with my mom constantly telling me how easy childbirth was for her. 4 hours of labor, a couple pushes and I was out. They say you have a similar experience like your mother, for me that couldn’t have been further for the truth.
My due date was July 9th, but I always knew I was going to go early. On the morning of Tuesday the 3rd I woke up and felt different. I was super crampy, lost my mucus plug and knew that something was going to happen soonish. Naturally, I scheduled a blow dry and manicure so when the time came I was ready -DUHHH. Tuesday night comes and goes and nothing happens. Wednesday morning I woke up and felt totally normal. I was super bummed because I was just ready to meet my baby and not be pregnant anymore. The end of pregnancy sucks, plus being a first time mom and not knowing what real labor feels like is just confusing. Thursday at 5:40am I was woken up by what I now know was early labor. Strong contractions, but with no particular pattern. They would last for an hour, then stop, then come back again. I took the day to relax in bed and fuel my body as much as I could. Early evening rolls around and they start forming a regular pattern and are becoming increasingly stronger. I stay in contact with my doula/midwife and the plan is to relax as much as possible. You see, in order to give birth in the birthing center you need to be 6 cm dilated for them to admit you. So my mindset this entire time is to stay home for AS LONG as possible. The last thing I want is to go to the hospital and be sent home. Early evening turns into night and now I am starting to get REALLY uncomfortable. At 11:30pm we call my midwife and she tells me to call her again once the contractions are 3 mins apart for a full hour. We start timing the contractions and sure enough they are exactly that. She encourages us to call our doula and have her come over as soon as possible.
Amethyst, my doula gets to us by 1:45am. I am in pain. The contractions are nonstop and so strong at this point (2-3mins apart). The only thing that is helping me through each contraction is me leaning over the kitchen counter and Jim squeezing my lower back/hip area as hard as he can. This continues on for about 3+ hours. I am exhausted and doing anything/everything to speed up the process. Walking up stairs, squatting, nipple stimulation, squatting while stimulating my nipples. The whole time all I remember saying is how much I just wanted to go to sleep. I couldn’t fully lay down because the contractions were too strong, but I was able to sit on my couch and half fall asleep in between my contractions. 5am rolls around and the contractions start slowing down which was frustrating because there was no end in sight. At 6am I was over it and said I wanted to go to the hospital and just see where I was. If I was far along I knew I would be able to finish this out. BUT if I wasn’t I didn’t think I could physically endure it anymore. We grab our bags, call an uber (we get a female driver who is a mother herself, and she was so positive and helpful and I just loved that she drove us to the hospital) and headed to the hospital.
My midwife is at the hospital and she takes me back into a room (without Jim) to do an internal exam. WHY DOES NO ONE TELL YOU ABOUT THIS PART?!? This was literally the most horrifying experience. She basically shoved what felt like her whole hand up my vagina and I screamed bloody murder. It was so painful for me she had to do it a couple times because I was tensing up so badly. Once she is able to get a good read, she looks at me and tells me I am not even 1 cm dilated. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!!? I was scream crying at this point. I just labored for 24 hours and I am not even 1 cm!?!?!? She brings Jim back and we talk about our options. I could either go back home and labor some more, or I could get an epidural and be induced to help speed up the process since my cervix just wasn’t opening. This wasn’t an easy decision for me, but after 45 mins of going back and fourth I opted for the epidural. Part of the hypnobirthing practice is to accept anything and everything that may happen during the birthing process- and that’s what I did.
They brought me back to the delivery room and gave me an IV for an hour before giving me the epidural. I ended up having to get the epidural twice because they put it in the wrong place the first time. The epidural was nothing. I was always so afraid of it, but you don’t even see the needle. You just feel some pressure and that’s all. After about 25 mins the pain from the contractions started to go away. I always thought that an epidural made you completely numb at the bottom, but that’s not the case. You can still feel pressure, but you don’t feel pain- if that makes sense at all? My midwife then proceeded to do another internal exam, and because the epidural relaxed me I was already at 3 cm. 1 hour goes by and she checks me again and I am 4 cm, moving along-but too slowly. She then decides she is going to give me a small amount of pitocin to speed up the process. They administer that, and thankfully because of the epidural I don’t feel the effects of the pitocin at all. Over the next couple of hours I nap, watch The Office, and try and get some calories into me (organic gatorade and ice chips- which btw tasted like actual heaven because hospital ice chips are da best, and some bone broth.)
*I am not going to spare any deets moving forward*
4:30pm rolls around and all of a sudden I’m like babe, can you please get our midwife I feel like I am going to shit my pants. Everyone tells you that this is the feeling you are going to have before the baby comes, but I guess you just don’t believe anyone because why if a baby is coming out of your vagina is it going to make you feel like you want to poop? SO at this point I’m really believing that I just have to go to the bathroom. After what seems like forever our Midwife FINALLY comes and does an internal exam and BOOM I am ready to go!!!! It takes a while for them to set everything up, and this whole time I am just so excited/nervous because I know that I am about to meet my DAUGHTER! I can’t even describe the feeling, it just so insane knowing that your life is about to change.
Now let’s talk pushing, shall we? This was hands down the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Some women LOVE pushing, it actually feels good to them. I HATED IT. With an epidural you can still feel pressure, and BOY OH BOY do you feel pressure. Jim had one leg, the nurse had the other, the midwife is down below, and my doula is cheering me on. They basically make you take one big breath in, and 3 breaths out through your nose while pulling your legs back. Also, what is a vagina? You forget you even have one during the process because it just feels like you are trying to take the biggest shit of your entire life. I kept asking if I was pooping because I just didn’t understand how poop wouldn’t be coming out when that’s what it felt like. SPOILER ALERT I did in fact NOT poop. SEX LIFE SAVED. I ended up pushing for about 1 hour and 20 mins and on July 6th at 6:48pm Everly is born!! The second she came out of me it was the biggest relief ever. I was just so excited for it to be over and to finally meet her! Seeing my daughter for the first time was surreal. You are just meeting this little person but it feels like you have known them forever. All of the pain and frustration from the last 36 hours of pure hell melt away and you are filled with love.The next couple of hours are a blur. It’s a lot of Everly laying on my chest doing skin to skin, and me staring at her telling her how much I love her.
Childbirth is no joke. It was an experience that has forever changed me. I’ve always loved my body, but now I love it even more. What it goes through for 9 months is crazy enough, but what it goes through at the end to bring the baby in to this world in insane. My advice for new mamas to be would be to stay positive with your thoughts surrounding labor and delivery. There is no reason to fear it. We should consider ourselves lucky to be able to experience something like this, as so many women aren’t as fortunate. Even though I didn’t get the birth story I had in mind-I will forever cherish the experience. I mean I created and birthed a human, how fucking cool is that?
